What’s a life coach?

‘So, you talk to people and give them advice about their life?’ Stumbling to explain what I do as a coach, most people nod politely before I crawl back into my shell.

Years ago, when I heard the word ‘coach’, what came to mind were either yelling sports coaches, personal trainers & bootcamp instructors or influencers promoting green smoothies. Especially the word ‘life coach’ felt phony and sounded like a silly phantom-profession to me.

What would that even mean? ‘Life coach.’ These apparently were people that had everything in their life figured out? And now they could make money telling others how to do the same? Nonsense.

Today, I look at coaching quite differently. I am a coach myself. Not only that, I’m a life coach.

Talking is thinking

We talk to ourselves all day, in the form of thoughts.

Because these thoughts are all happening inside our own head, we don’t have a way of checking them against an outside perspective, a mirror. They’re looping around unchecked. We walk around having these biases, firmly held beliefs, premature conclusions, all mixed in with things we ‘heard someone say once’.

Talking to someone helps us think clearer because we can hear ourselves speak. And talking to another person also forces us to articulate our thoughts. Only when we start speaking our thoughts out loud to someone we have to form coherent, understandable sentences.

This is valuable in itself but coaching adds another level of benefit to the mix. Coaches are trained to listen (sadly this means shutting up a lot). This means they’ll listen for what’s behind the words as well. On top of that they can share observations and ask helpful questions so you can easily reality-check your thoughts and move forward faster.

So a coach is a good listener who helps you get from where you are to where you want to go.

I’ve always liked the image of two people standing around a table, the coach and the client, shoulder to shoulder. On the table is the client’s life. A bunch of files, photos and documents, representing their memories, stories, thoughts, needs, desires, values etc. What we do in coaching is sifting through this pile together. Organizing, prioritizing, challenging. Picking up a thought, looking at it carefully, questioning it, making sure it’s important, and otherwise laying it aside and moving on.

So, coaching is not about giving advice?

Coaching is not about giving advice (what?!) or presenting your brilliant solution to the problem your client is facing (really?! But I’m a very smart guy!).

I used to believe coaching was all about giving advice and having expertise. Even when I applied for my coach-training I still believed I was getting ready to explain to people how they should solve their issues. Because again, I’m a very smart guy.

The human mind is a problem solving machine. So when a friend shares a problem they’re struggling with, it’s natural to start thinking of the solution. You can’t help it. It’s automatic. It’s evolution.

Turns out people don’t need your advice, even if they’re asking for it. People have everything they need, they know themselves better than you ever could. They just need someone to listen to them.

“After all, when you seek advice from someone it’s certainly not because you want them to give it. You just want them to be there while you talk to yourself.” ― Terry Pratchett (Jingo)

Who should hire a life coach?

Life coaching is for people who take responsibility for their own growth, this can be in different areas. Conversations with clients cover things like:

What all life coaching clients share is a focus on fulfilling their potential, determined to improve, striving to be better every day. Showing up for life coaching is saying: ‘I’m ready to work on myself and take an honest look at where I can improve.’ It’s courageous.

“Ultimately, if you are interested in self-development, and to fulfill your life and to stay on track, it’s really nice to have an external person who supports you and believes in you and can keep you on track.” — Cherie Carter-Scott

Coaching takes advantage of how the human brain works. We think better when we talk. And that’s easier when there’s someone listening. On top of that they can point out our blindspots and help us gain a shift in perspective.

The process of coaching is actually listening and asking questions, not giving advice. So the client can find their own solutions. So, where do you want to be? Who will support you on the way?